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This is clearly a linguistic suicide pact. Using the powerful but subtle method of mathematical induction—which allows linguists to take a single example of almost anything and extrapolate wildly in any direction—it becomes clear that these last two speakers are the remnants of a linguistic death cult, and that [±linguistic death cult] is a likely important feature of Universal Grammar. Compare the recently reported-on Ghwǘǜb language, which exhibits certain linguocultural features that make it mind-numbingly difficult to acquire non-natively. We now have very strong inductive evidence that Ayapaneco is [ linguistic death cult], making it more difficult to transmit from one generation to the next. These UG feature settings are very rare, and are probably going to become extinct before too long. We need to study them now, so that we can then apply the principles of evolutionary psychology—which is even more powerful than mathematical induction—and postulate biosociocultural pressures that made these UG features adaptive for these cultures. Obviously, the Ayapaneco language developed in a biosociolinguocultural environment that favored silence, or at least reticence. Perhaps there were large predators with excellent hearing in the vicinity. Or maybe the constant danger of avalanches. Or perchance an abundance of cranky grandmothers with metal spoons who would brook no foolishness from boisterous children. Unravelling these mysteries could lead us to the Ayapaneco urheim, which I can already predict will be in either Basque country, or Atlantis. We need to immediately dispatch large teams of linguistic anthropologists to the area and have them listen to these two men not speaking, so that we may gain further insights and generate a large number of unfalsifiable but publishable theories.
